I had a call from a long distance sounding person this morning.
He said he was from the Windows servicing company and he was going to sort out my computer problem.
I don't have a computer, I said.
Oh, I understand, maybe you have an Apple?
Yes, and a banana or two in the fruit dish.
Well, do not worry, we are the Apple servicing company.
You said you were Windows. Make your mind up.
We do it all Sir.
What is the name of your company?
Yes. We are technical company for Apple.
Oh good, I said, because when I rang you yesterday you said you were coming round to fix it. What time are you coming round?
That is all right Sir, we are going to fix it now.
I could drive it round to you this morning.
We are fixing the problem.
Oh. okay. Are you driving round this morning or this afternoon?
We are fixing it now. But first I need your card details.
What card details?
In order to get the servicing details You need to pay us ninety pounds.
Are you sure you're aware of my computer problem? It won't switch on.
Our technical servicing will be coming on now to fix it, but in order to get the service we need the card details.
Ok, hold on. I will have to go and find my cards. Can you call back in ten minutes?
No problem, we will wait. We will stay on the line.
... left him waiting awhile.
Gave him false numbers, for the card, several times.
A technical guy came on the phone, asking me what I could see on the screen. It's all black, I said. The problem is I can't switch it on.
Don't worry, we will fix it now, he said. Can you see the cursor?
Well this nonsense went on awhile.
The first man came on again wanting to recheck my card numbers. More pallava over the fiticious sequence of numbers.
Then he wanted my date of birth.
Why do you need my date of birth?
Because I am telling you all the servicing details that will be coming to you for the paperwork need to have your name and details on.
I asked him for his date of birth, if he had a girlfriend, what time it was there, what could he see out of his window, what time he was finishing, suggested he could buy an icecream and have a good old lick, and wasn't he really ringing me because he fancied me...
... This could have gone all day, I suppose, but eventually I told him to get a life and hung up.